What's In A Name?
by 2lieutenant
Summary: The Rat Patrol discusses names.


**Disclaimer: I do not own _Rat Patrol_ or profit from writing.**

Moffitt sat at the mess hall and stared across the table at Troy. Finally he spoke.

"Troy, is Sam short for Samuel?"

Troy nodded, "David and I were named after our grandfathers on my mom's and dad's side. Is Jack the diminutive of John?"

"No, my mother liked the name Jack but not John."

"I wonder what Dietrich's name is," Hitch said.

"His name is Hans," replied Moffit. "I saw it on his report from Intelligence."

"Well, it could be Johann or even Hansel," Tully suggested.

Moffitt choked on his tea. "Hansel? Do you know what that means in German? It means 'little Hans.' I highly doubt Dietrich's father would have agreed to that. Especially because his father was a Wehrmacht officer and likely had high hopes for his son."

Tully eyed Moffitt suspiciously. "Where did you get all this information, Sarge? You're not going Nazi on us are you?"

Moffitt grinned. "No, all the information was in his report from Intelligence. They have a extensive report on him. He's a career officer and has had many medals bestowed to him. The Wehrmacht considers him one of the rising stars in the army."

"Well,that still doesn't answer our question. Is Dietrich's name just Hans, Hansel, or Johann?" Hitch said.

"Next time we see him, why don't we ask him? See whose right." Troy proposed.

"We all might be wrong. There are many other names that Hans could be a nickname for, it might not even be a nickname," Moffitt remarked.

"We'll just have to get ourselves captured by Dietrich to find out," Tully said cheerfully. The others gave him a look. "I was just kidding. But we could ask him the next time we're captured."

The "next time" was not far away. A few days after their conversation, they stumbled upon Dietrich's unit and got captured. Dietrich had them brought to his office.

"May I ask, gentleman, what you were doing out in this region?"

Troy grinned, "Oh, you know, Captain, this and that."

Dietrich raised an eyebrow, "This and that? No matter, Sergeant, with all of you in a prison camp, it will be quite easy to find out what your army is up to. There will be a vehicle to pick you up in the morning. In the meantime, you will wait in two separate cells. Do not have any bright ideas of yours, Sergeant Troy. I do not want anyone unnecessarily hurt." He motioned for the guards to take them away.

"Just a minute, Captain."

Dietrich turned around to see Tully grinning cheerfully at him.

"May I ask you a question?"

"That would depend, Private. What do you wish to know?"

"What's your name?"

Dietich laughed in disbelief. "Surely you already know my name. While you may call me 'captain' most of the time, I believe you have taken enough plans and such to remember my name."

"Yes, but we want to know what your first name is."

"Why do you wish to know?"

"Well," said Hitch, "We were discussing Sarge's name, and that led to a discussion of what name 'Hans' was a diminutive of. Tully suggested 'Hansel' or 'Johann.' But we want to know for sure."

"Hansel! You thought my name was Hansel?"

"It was just a suggestion," Tully muttered.

Dietrich was indignant. "My name is most certainly not 'Hansel' it is simply Hans."

Moffitt cast the others a triumphant look. "See, I told you so."

"You told them what?"

"I said your name might not even be a nickname for anything. I was right."

"You had a conversation about my name?" Dietrich raised his eyebrows at Troy. "You really need to find something more profitable to talk about, Sergeant."

"Well, Captain, we are trying to familiarize ourselves with the enemy so we won't be surprised at anything you might pull."

Dietrich shook his head in exasperated amusement. "I'll never understand you Americans."

"I'm English," Moffitt said.

"Oh, yes, that's right. My apologies Sergeant Moffitt. Now I'm afraid this conversation must end." He signaled the guards.

Moffit and Tully were put in one cell, and Troy and Hitch in another. Moffitt and Tully sat in silence for awhile.

"You know," Tully said, "I'm kind of surprised Dietrich has such a plain name as Hans. With his achievements I would have expected a more uncommon name than just 'Hans.'"

"So would I," came a voice from the doorway. It was Troy and Hitch was with him. "Let's go." Seeing their amazed looks, he said, "I'll answer questions later."

They managed to get to their jeeps before anyone noticed they were gone. But by that time it was too late.

At the base, Moffitt asked Troy how he had gotten out of the cell.

"Easy, the guard forgot to lock the cell door."

"Really?"

"Yup, I asked him what his name was, then Hitch overpowered him. He wasn't harmed, though. The captain will be happy about that at least."

"I can't believe his name is just 'Hans.' It's so ordinary. It's like Jack in English," Hitch commented.

"Hey, my name is Jack. It is a perfectly good name."

"Sure, Sarge. But Dietrich is no ordinary person. He's a very promising officer."

"I wish I had never told you about that," muttered Moffitt.


End file.
